How many times did I pick you up and lay you on top of me, breathing deeply of your scent, feeling your good weight on me.
How many times did I lay down next to you while you slept, putting my head next to yours, gently stroking your soft fur.
How many times did I pull up in front of the driveway to find you looking for me. Then when I’d open the gate you’d run into the house to wait for me and come back out again if I took too long.
How many times did I kiss the little drop of water off the end of your nose after you finished drinking.
How many times did I cook chicken to add to your food, telling you to wait for your dinner, mommy’s making it for you and you would look at me so patiently.
How many times did I answer the door, holding you back from playing vicious attack dog while you screamed your head off at the delivery guy.
How many times did I sit outside with you, just hanging out while you sniffed all the good smells and inspected your yard.
How many times did I put blistex on, only for you to lick it all off.
How many times did I walk you in the cold and the heat and the rain and the snow, letting you sniff all the good spots and carrying you when you got tired.
How many times did I race home from wherever I was, walk in the door, and immediately drop everything so I could return your barking, joyous greeting.
How many times did I feed you your yummies, holding them for you while you chewed, watching your happy puppy face chomp away.
How many times did I dry your fur when you came in from the rain, then when I finished you would go right back out and get wet again.
How many times did I lay my forehead against yours, then nuzzle our faces, murmuring sweet words of love to you.
How many times did I tell you that you were the best friend I could ever ask for, that you were my little angel.
How many times did I call you silly names like pooperella and puppy face and poop stick and puppy chunks and Sadie face and poopie kins and Sadie pie.
How many times did I need you and you were there for me.
How many times did I tell you that I love you more than anything.
None of it was enough.